How shall I start this letter? Perhaps I might talk about the Status Quo concert I went to last weekend, or maybe David & John’s school play this weekend, Ann has seen a rehearsal and is very impressed, or perhaps I could talk about the Vivaldi’s Four Seasons Concert Ann & I went to at the Philharmonic Hall. And I would love to tell you about the Grade III Piano exam Anna took last Saturday, and the grade I flute pieces she is learning, or how John passed his grade II piano during the year. Perhaps I could mention that Mary gave me a bicycle for my birthday, and how I have been able to take the children cycling in the summer, and how David got into the habit of a daily cycle in the park by himself over the summer. Or I could tell you how I taught John to play chess, and how the world cup introduced John to the world of football, and the football game we played at his birthday party, when he invited all the boys from his new class. I could talk with some relief as to how life at work has begun to calm down after the introduction of the new computer system late last year. But it would all be a preamble to talking about 3.05 pm on Tuesday the 9th of June 1998, for that was when Ann’s mother Mary died.
Mary had been living with us since the previous September, when she had been discharged from a short spell in hospital, with a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. We give thanks to God that she was spared many of the symptoms that can accompany that type of cancer. That she endured the illness without so much as a paracetamol, is testament both to the grace and kindness of God, and the "sterner stuff" of which she was made. Of the many memories of Mary’s stay with us, I would pick out the games of Upwords the three of us would play in the evenings, a game similar to but different from Scrabble, which Mary also loved. I also remember the dogged determination with which she ascended to the bedroom each evening, refusing to consider the option of sleeping downstairs. What had seemed a nightmare struggling to help her upstairs, got sloughed off "That wasn’t so bad" when she had reached her room.
Ann did a wonderful job of caring for her mother, right up to within a week of her death. Most of the time there was not much nursing involved, it was more being a companion, being available, being depended on, and the relinquishing of activities that took her way from the house for more than an hour or so. In some ways it was a frustrating experience, because although Mary prepared for her death, she never actually spoke about it, which Ann missed greatly. She did pass one comment to me near the end that she knew and appreciated what we were doing for her, and I wish Ann had been there to hear it as well. Mary spent the last week being cared for at the Marie Curie Hospice at Woolton, where the care was wonderful. Ann’s sister Carol described how shortly before her death, Mary’s eyes lost their usual cloudiness, and shined brightly as she stared intently at the light for a few moments. Very peacefully, Mary breathed her last.
Carol stayed here with Mary a couple of times, one weekend when we went by train and stayed overnight in York, our first visit, and we spent a week at Easter with some from our church on a Youth with a Mission (YWAM) Family Ministries week staying at the YWAM base in Amsterdam. Amsterdam is a beautiful city and as well as participating in street outreaches in the public places in the city, we got to see Ann Frank’s house, and the house of Corrie ten Boon in nearby Haarlem. Later in the year we rented a cottage for a week in Winchcombe, in the Cotswolds, again our first visit to the area, where we enjoyed the scenery and views, visited Hidcote gardens, Sudely castle and were especially pleased to find Hoo House Nurseries, just to the south of Tewkesbury. Of all the travels, David’s trip to Romania with the church 10-14 youth group was the biggest, both for the fundraising beforehand, and the experience for David. It was based mainly round a church in Cluj, starting with a few days in Transylvania with their church youth, moving on to Cluj itself, and going on to visit an orphanage for a couple of days before returning to Bucharest and the flight home.
Mary’s death has left a big gap in Ann’s life. A lot of her time is now spent at the Christian Fellowship School. We were so impressed with the care that David (now year 7) was receiving there, that John started there this September in year 3, where he has settled down very well. Ann spends two lessons as a parent helper in John’s class, and other lessons with year 10 studying science GCSE, after the school opened up the course to parents as well.
Our life has been enriched since October by our new lodgers, Maarit, a finnish lady and her six year old son Toivo. I took the four children to the Avenues Family Social last weekend and was impressed to see again how well Toivo fits in to new social situations. We came back with some yeast from Tescos yesterday, and can look forward to some of Maarit’s wonderful home made bread tomorrow.
Ann wants me to mention the super new cooker, hall landing and stairs carpet, and new front door; I just wish that I had decorated the landing as well as the hall, and that we had got the rest of the kitchen sorted out around the new cooker.
Mike Pendray 12 December 1998